Little Brown Jug

“So, Jim,” I said, “How did Ohio State do yesterday?”

“They won.”

“That's good. And Michigan?”

“They lost.”

“That's good for Ohio State.”

“It isn’t.”

“It isn’t?”

“No. You see, Michigan isn’t behaving like a powerhouse team.”

“Is that bad?”

“Yeah, it used to be that the Big Ten was made of the Big Two and the Little Eight, that's how strong Ohio State and Michigan were. Two great teams vying with each other every year created real excitement. Now it’s just the top one. The other 13 aren’t doing well at all.”

Oh no. Here we go again.

“Ok, the top 13 of the top ten is what you just said?”

“It’s not the Top Ten, it’s the BIG Ten. You’re totally mixed up.  All 14 teams have to be excellent. Really good.”

“Stop, I can’t handle all these numbers.”

“No, you wouldn't make a good accountant. I think we can agree on that. If Ohio State is to prevail in the great annual battle with Michigan, Michigan must be a worthy opponent.”

After a lengthy pause, “Who did Ohio State play? Some non Top Ten team?”

Not Top. It’s BIG Ten. And they played Cincinnati, which isn’t in the conference.

“Cincy isn’t a big or top enough of a school to take on a top state team like Ohio State.”

“This is a non-conference game. OSU tries to keep the money in the state. There are 12 games in a season and only eight need to be conference games, so they want to play with teams who don’t want them back.”

“Little Cincy rejects OSU and that's good?”

“Yeah, when OSU plays really big teams, they will demand OSU play a game the next year in their town and OSU would rather play in Columbus where their fans are. They can fill that 108,000 seat stadium any day there.”

“And poor Cincy is just grateful to play with the big guy in Columbus?”

“Something like that.  It's a good deal for Cincy.”

“Or at least a top game.”

Clears throat.  “They’re happy to get a nice paycheck and a block of four or five thousand seats. Those seats are worth their weight in gold in Columbus.”

“Top prices, huh?”

Clears throat a second time. “To get back to Michigan’s weakness, they even lost the Little Brown Jug.”

“OK, I’ll bite. What’s the little brown jug?”

“You don’t know the story of the Little Brown Jug?”

“No, I don't but I bet it won’t be for long.”

“Well, way back in 1903 when the Wolverines traveled to Minnesota to take on the Golden Gophers…”

“The golden what?”

“Michigan and Minnesota. The Wolverines and the Golden Gophers.”

“Never mind, go on.”

“As I was saying, both teams were major national powers. As it was a particularly important game, the Michigan equipment manager was afraid the Minnesota guys might mess with his team’s drinking water.  Those kinds of nasty things were common back then. Or maybe it was just that Minnesota water tasted funny. Remember how your grandma threw up every time she drank Dayton water? Anyway, the equipment manager brought water for his team in a brown jug. After they won the game, he forgot it and left the jug in Minnesota. When he asked to have it sent back, the Minnesota team said they would have to win it back. Thus the historic Little Brown Jug rivalry was born.

“But for decades, Minnesota has been a weak team. That jug is usually in Ann Arbor. It’s only been in Minnesota twice in the last 20 years. It’s expected. It’s really bad for OSU to have Michigan lose the Little Brown Jug. It makes ‘em look sad.  We don't want to just walk all over them like we walk all over Cincinnati. It must be a true victory.”

“Wow.  Big story. Or is it a top story?”

Why do I feel like I am talking to General Patton?