The Free Three

Over the summer I have taken a morning walk almost every day. I try to take different routes but the one I like best is the one with the three free blocks.

I start at 108^th St. and measure the distance. 20 blocks equals one mile. But the really great thing is that if I head north I get three free blocks to my mile.    Between 120^th and 125^th there are three extra blocks. La Salle, Tieman and St. Clair. That means when I reach 125^th  I have walked a whole mile. I get three free blocks.

But when I walk to 135^th I have walked only 27 blocks. I lose my three free blocks and I feel annoyed and cheated. But that’s what it says on Google maps and that's what my son, Tony, has explained to me.

“Mom”, he says patiently, “I really can’t believe you refuse to see this. Look at a map. 125^th street veers north and has skipped three blocks by the time it ends at Riverside Dr. Those three blocks aren’t free at all, they just have names. Look the next block after 125 is 128.”

“Yeah but those were free blocks just the same and they took them away.”

“Oh Mom. They were never free to begin with.”

“Its like Clare and Vinnie in Life with Father,” I say.

“Okay, tell me,” Tony sighs.

“You have to understand that Clare was played by William Powell and Irene Dunne played Vinnie.”

“You mean the man had a girl’s name and the wife was named after a mobster?”

“Not exactly. It’s more Victorian era. Anyway, there’s a great scene in which they are doing the monthly accounts and Vinnie’s household account is $3 overdrawn. “

Vinnie says something like “I’m overdrawn this month? I just don't understand how that could be.”

“Well, you are by exactly $3.  Let’s go over the purchases in detail,” insists Clare.

“Sounds like you and Daddy”.

“Not at all. We are smart enough to keep separate accounts.”

“Really?”

To go on with my story

Vinnie looks over her bills and declares,” There it is: three shirts at $ 1.00 each. It was your new shirts that caused the trouble.”

“My shirts? How could they cause a problem?”

“I bought them for you and you didn't like the cut of the collar. I paid three dollars for them  and when I returned them the sweet young salesman very nicely gave me three dollars in cash.”

Clare stops for a brief moment before he asserts, “He shouldn't have done that. You charged those shirts.”

“Well he did. And there I was with three extra dollars.”

“Those dollars were not extra.”

“Well what were they then? I didn't have them before the nice young salesman handed them to me. And then there they were, right there in my hand.”

Clare’s voice begins to rise, “But don't you see they should have gone back into the household money. A return to cover a debit?”

“A what dear?”

“A return to cover a debit.”

“Well with that extra money, I had enough to buy that lovely pink hat I saw as I entered the store.”

“But you didn’t have extra money. You were using money you didn't really have. You were overdrawn.”

“You remember I wore it to church last Sunday and you said how lovely I looked?”

“Oh, Vinnie.”

“That story is intentionally confusing, Mom,” Tony tells me.

“The only thing confusing about this story was the names. Those were free dollars just like my streets and I am not going to let any old map change my mind.

Don't I look and feel healthier walking those extra blocks?”

 “Oh, Mom.”