Pick a card. Not just any card. Pick a credit card. Notice
the raised numbers on the front. And then look for the customer service number.
I’ll bet you can’t read it because the customer service number is exactly in
back of those raised numbers on the front. They are all scrunched up aren’t
they? I’m just asking this so you will understand.
You see yesterday I spoke to a Lord and Taylor Customer
Service Representative. I was amazed to have finally reached one.
My first attempt to read the number on the back of my Lord
and Taylor Charge card, the scrunched up one I just told you about, produced a
lengthy sales pitch for a free trip to the Bahamas with an added outing to
Bermuda for only $659.00. I listened for a full minute before hanging up.
$659.00 just wasn't free enough to continue.
I tried a few more variations
on what I thought the phone number might be but I didn't get Lord and Taylor or
anymore free offers so this ploy began to wear thin.
Just in time I remembered that on the bottom of their website
screen where all my troubles had begun there was a tiny little box labeled “contact
us”.
This was about paying my bill. You see, a year ago I bought a shirt for my
grandson, Nicky, on Lord and Taylors’ website and since then I no longer
receive my bills on paper. They come online. It is all quite safe, with a user
name, password, even a personal flower I was required to recognize just to
prove it was me trying to pay my bill.
The only problem was I had so much difficulty getting past
the user name. It’s all my own fault. I chose a user name and filled in the
little box and checked off “remember me”.
Only my username was one letter off.
Each time I tried to pay my bill I was told that I had the
wrong user name and after 5 or 6 tries I would create a new user name and pass word,
which I dutifully wrote down in my little red password book aka an address book.
Now here’s the problem. Each month it reverts to the
original user name.
So I decided to pay via my smart phone, but Lord and Taylor
didn’t recognize the device and asked what high school I went to and I told
them and entered my user name and login and guess what. Nada. Nothing. I tried
again. Same routine. I tried the routine on my free Samsung Tablet Time Warner
sent me, which I have a very bad relationship with, and once again was
rejected.
"So enough," I said. "I'll call Lord and Taylor. I know I’ll sound like a Luddite but I think I’ll ask for
my billing to be restored to the paper mode just to simplify my life."
The phone number worked. The usual overly enthusiastic fake
voice welcomed and thanked me for choosing Lord and Taylor, told me how much I owed,
which I knew, and how much credit I had, which I didn't.
Then the nice voice began rattling off options for me to
choose from. I’m used to this, of course, from multiple exchanges with automated
fake voices, and was happily reassured by the fact that number 8 was actually an
option to speak to a customer service representative.
I was a bit naïve to expect that it would be that easy. A
different automated, though nice, lady said it would help matters if I stated
clearly exactly why I wanted to speak to a customer service representative.
I guess I didn’t state my problem quite clearly enough
because that automated voice sounded clearly annoyed. I told her I wanted to
stop online payment and switch back to paper and she didn't seem to like that
and asked me again and again to say clearly what my reason was, just to make my
experience speaking to an online customer service agent easier.
So by now I feared for my blood pressure, and started to
punch the 0 button repeatedly as I suppose I should have done from the beginning.
But you have always been a rather sedate store, Lord and Taylor, I guess I expected too much.
Even the online bill, which I have come to hate, asks me to
be sure I recognize a picture of a nice flower, which I being a city girl don’t
recognize but pretend to just to make the billing thing happy in order to
proceed with my payment.
And magically, I was
placed on a waiting line for an agent because all of them were serving other
customers, who probably wanted to give up on online billing too
I didn’t wait too long and I didn’t have to listen to too
many repeated suggestions that I return to the automated payment system
An actual live person,
always a treat, answered and asked my name and the last four digits of my SSN.
I complied without argument, having gotten over my outrage by now at this
question. I figure its hopeless.
So I answered these questions and she said nicely “How can I
help you?”
And I told her.
I said, “I’m having trouble making online payments. I made
the mistake of entering my user id and then checking off the little “remember
me box”. But the user id I entered was off. It’s completely my fault and I am
sorry very sorry truly I am.
Anyway, I can’t seem to get beyond that point. For the last
several months I have created new user ids and new passwords but it just seems
to go back to that old one. So, Miss Representative, I’d just like to go back
to a paper bill. Could I just give up on the online thing? Please?”
“Well if you would just check your web browser and…
“No, no, no,” I said.
“Well really its very simple all you do is…”
“No, no, no,” I said again.
Now she was beginning to sound like the automated lady, “Look,
she said, it isn’t hard.”
“Yes it is. I’m tired of the whole thing. I’m old and tired
of fighting with websites with flowers and questions about my high school. I
just want to go back to an old-fashioned paper bill I can pay with a check in
an envelope with a stamp and a cute little doggie return address label. And
make my life meaningful again.”
“Well, if that's how you feel about it, I’ll take you off
the online billing option.”
“Oh thank you,” I said.
“Is that all?”
“Oh,” I said, “when will I get the paper bill?”
“After the next billing cycle.”
“How do I pay this billing cycle?”
“You can pay it online,” She replied.
